There’s a dilemma that faces many grandparents today, particularly because many of them are more active than grandparents of generations before. A phone call, a visit from your adult child: “Will you babysit for us?”

If you’re not still working, your retirement life may be keeping you active in your sport or passions, traveling or just enjoying life. So, what do you do if your children - who now have children of their own - ask you to babysit?

First, there’s babysitting so their parents can go out for dinner or away for a weekend. If that’s what you enjoy doing, then everything is fine. But babysitting may also mean providing childcare while both parents (or a single parent) works.

As parents ourselves, we want to help our children if they need us, but is providing daily childcare for your grandchild always a good idea? No - the word “always” right away indicates that this may be and is a problem in some situations.

The pro side of babysitting grandchildren is that it’s generally good for the children. They’re being minded by someone who loves them as their parents do, and grandparents have a special cachet that no-one else does.

Other good things:

Babysitting keeps many grandparents young. Rather than wondering what to do with their time (as some do), they have something to do. They have to get out of bed, they have to eat well to set a good example for the children, they have to get out and exercise by walking or taking them to the part, and they have to think - and hopefully laugh and have fun too.

Exercise and fun often means better mental health and may ward off depression.

Being loved by your charges is priceless.

Some not so good things:

You may not do things the way your children would like. This can cause conflicts if there isn’t give and take on both sides.

Cost - you may not want to be paid or maybe they can’t pay you, but minding a child for extended periods can add to your bills, such as for groceries or gas.

Fatigue: if you have any medical issues, you may find that you don’t have the energy to care for an energetic child. You may also ignore symptoms of illness because your grandchildren need you.

Finally, if you’re not supported by your own children, you may feel put upon, forced into a position that you hadn’t anticipated and didn’t really want. This can affect your physical and mental health.

So - if you’re asked to babysit, you need to take many things into consideration and have a frank discussion with your own children.

• How much do they want you to babysit?
• What if you are ill, what alternate arrangements do they have?
• What rules are non-negotiable, which can be bent for grandma or grandpa?
• Will there be any exchange of money or compensation of some sort?

There are more questions, of course, but these are a good start to the conversation. It’s best to go into situations like this prepared, to avoid any misunderstandings or difficulties.

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